welp, i made it through two weeks of teaching. let me tell you, it was one of the toughest things i've ever done. i never realized what hard work it is to be a teacher. the good thing is, i really liked it and i'm going to continue pursuing education as a career option. at the end of the week, the executive director of urban promise asked me to take over for first grade beginning in january. the current first grade teacher is 5 months pregnant, in grad school, and has 2 kids already, so she's taking a leave of absence. so now i have to decide if i want to be a full time teacher for the rest of my m.y. experience. he also asked me to stay and teach next year which is a crazy thought. i'll keep you posted on all the happenings with that. oh yeah, and i'm subbing for kindergarten next week. when it rains, it pours as they say.
thanksgiving was pretty amazing. on thursday we went to our pastor's house for some soul food -- complete with fried turkey, collard greens, homemade mac and cheese. you name it, it was there clogging my arteries. we played games and spent the night there. we watched movies all night long and had the most amazing breakfast in the morning. it felt like home.
on friday we made it over to my neighbor deb's house. she fed us all kinds of great food (that i wasn't even hungry for) and we spent the day hanging out, watching football, and movies. she has been one of my most significant relationships since i've been here. she is simply an amazing person and i was so glad to spend thanksgiving with her and her family in her home.
sorry this is so short. i'll try to write more when i have time (whenever that will be!) and i'll try to post some pics to keep the masses entertained.
love you all!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
yikes
i found out today that i'll be substitute teaching for the first grade next week.
i'm terrified but excited at the same time.
pray for me.
i'm terrified but excited at the same time.
pray for me.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
pauper's rite of passage
it's no secret i wasn't really looking forward to pauper's rite of passage (prop). i didn't know what to expect, it cut into part of my day off, and in many ways, i was fearful of all the unknowns.
we got to philly in the early evening having not eaten, expecting dinner. chris (who created prop and who has lived in the inner city of philly for over 10 years) gave us a dinner of pbj, a small bag of chips, and a soda. he explained that from his experience on the streets, pbj is a kind of icon to homelessness -- many people will make them and hand them out during food distributions.
we were able to keep 3 items on us for the rest of the weekend (not including underwear, socks, and shoes). we picked out a new outfit from a thrift store which would become our new get-up. i kept my jeans, an undershirt, and my sleeping bag. others kept toothbrushes, pillows, blankets, etc.
that night we watched a film called the homeless home movie. it was pretty old but interesting and worth watching. while we didn't have to sleep on the streets, we did in a way, simulate what it would be like to "squat" in an abandon building. we traveled to a building down the street with no lights and no heat and slept on the ground.
at 6 the next morning, chris woke us up and gave us a breakfast of pbj. (most shelters wake up everyone around 5:30 or 6. if you squat, the police will usually find you in the early morning.) we were given some guidelines for the day: a map of where exactly we could go, we couldn't stay inside for more than 30 minutes, and we weren't to "pretend" to be homeless. If someone asked us, we were to be honest about what we were doing.
we got dropped off at 8 am at various points in downtown philly. i was so exhausted from the night before, i found a park bench and fell asleep. at around 9, my friend, rebekah, found me and told me there was free coffee and donuts being handed out by the library.
there was a big group of homeless gathered around, getting donuts, drinking coffee. i met a few of them and we hung out for awhile. one guy, keith, was really interested in taking care of us and explained that this day was one of the best days to be out. for one thing, it was saturday. most groups come out to serve food on saturdays. for another, it was the 2nd saturday. i'm not sure what the significance of the 2nd saturday is exactly, but even more vans come by and drop off food on these days.
there were so many amazing people i met that day. angel, sonja, john, and fred. angel, kind and with a child-like innocence, gave my friends and i nicknames. (i was linda sleepy-ass because my butt fell asleep from sitting on the concrete.) sonja had a singing voice like snow white and sang us songs about jesus. john, a recovering crack addict, told us stories about life in the prison system and recovering from addiction while living on the streets. and fred, who was definitely my favorite, had been living on the streets for 21 years. we explained to fred that we wanted to hang out and learn, in our limited amount of time, what life on the streets was like. he told us there was and "essence" to life on the streets that you can't get unless you know that it's like to sleep on a bench all night in the dead of winter. but, he said he would help us get a taste of it.
i learned so much from fred. after about the 3rd meal in 2 hours, my friends and i were full and didn't want to stand in line to get more food. "if you wanna know what it's really like," fred said, "then you need to always get in line. if you still don't want your food later, you give it away to someone who missed the handout." he told us stories and totally took care of us. anyone meeting us for the first time would mention what a great and trustworthy guy fred was.
the people i met that day were some the most generous people i've ever met. rebekah noticed an apple that came from a sack lunch handout and casually asked where she could get one. the man she was talking to insisted that she take his even though the bags were a few feet away. people gave us their umbrellas, blanket, coats, everything!
at the end of the day, we had to say goodbye. as i was giving hugs and saying goodbye, one guy pulled me aside and said, "what you all did here today means so much."
what i did today? i hadn't done anything. i sat and ate. all. day. long.
he said, "most people look at us like scum, if they look at us at all." to him, the fact that my friends and i sat with him, were willing to be seen with him, willing to eat with him, share with him, joke with him, even look him in the face, meant more than all the food or money he could have had access to that day.
earlier that morning as i fell in and out of sleep on the park bench, i watched the faces of people walking by. not one person looked me in the eyes. every person did look my direction. i knew they saw me. but instead of looking at me, they looked past me, above me, or at my tired body -- never at me.
later as i was telling my story to katie, i told her about my experience on the bench. she was really upset at the thought of people disregarding me in this way. it made her sad to think that people would treat (or not treat) me like that. if they only knew me, she said, they would never look past me.
her strong emotional response made me think. some of these people don't have families. some of them do. regardless, god sees each of them the same way katie sees me. i can just imagine him saying to me as i uncomfortably ignore a homeless guy on the street, if you only knew him the way i know him....you would never look past him.
i saw jesus in the face of each person i met that day. i saw him more clearly than i've ever seen him before. i saw him in every toothless smile, every worn out expression, every generous act born out of poverty. i will forever be changed.
we got to philly in the early evening having not eaten, expecting dinner. chris (who created prop and who has lived in the inner city of philly for over 10 years) gave us a dinner of pbj, a small bag of chips, and a soda. he explained that from his experience on the streets, pbj is a kind of icon to homelessness -- many people will make them and hand them out during food distributions.
we were able to keep 3 items on us for the rest of the weekend (not including underwear, socks, and shoes). we picked out a new outfit from a thrift store which would become our new get-up. i kept my jeans, an undershirt, and my sleeping bag. others kept toothbrushes, pillows, blankets, etc.
that night we watched a film called the homeless home movie. it was pretty old but interesting and worth watching. while we didn't have to sleep on the streets, we did in a way, simulate what it would be like to "squat" in an abandon building. we traveled to a building down the street with no lights and no heat and slept on the ground.
at 6 the next morning, chris woke us up and gave us a breakfast of pbj. (most shelters wake up everyone around 5:30 or 6. if you squat, the police will usually find you in the early morning.) we were given some guidelines for the day: a map of where exactly we could go, we couldn't stay inside for more than 30 minutes, and we weren't to "pretend" to be homeless. If someone asked us, we were to be honest about what we were doing.
we got dropped off at 8 am at various points in downtown philly. i was so exhausted from the night before, i found a park bench and fell asleep. at around 9, my friend, rebekah, found me and told me there was free coffee and donuts being handed out by the library.
there was a big group of homeless gathered around, getting donuts, drinking coffee. i met a few of them and we hung out for awhile. one guy, keith, was really interested in taking care of us and explained that this day was one of the best days to be out. for one thing, it was saturday. most groups come out to serve food on saturdays. for another, it was the 2nd saturday. i'm not sure what the significance of the 2nd saturday is exactly, but even more vans come by and drop off food on these days.
there were so many amazing people i met that day. angel, sonja, john, and fred. angel, kind and with a child-like innocence, gave my friends and i nicknames. (i was linda sleepy-ass because my butt fell asleep from sitting on the concrete.) sonja had a singing voice like snow white and sang us songs about jesus. john, a recovering crack addict, told us stories about life in the prison system and recovering from addiction while living on the streets. and fred, who was definitely my favorite, had been living on the streets for 21 years. we explained to fred that we wanted to hang out and learn, in our limited amount of time, what life on the streets was like. he told us there was and "essence" to life on the streets that you can't get unless you know that it's like to sleep on a bench all night in the dead of winter. but, he said he would help us get a taste of it.
i learned so much from fred. after about the 3rd meal in 2 hours, my friends and i were full and didn't want to stand in line to get more food. "if you wanna know what it's really like," fred said, "then you need to always get in line. if you still don't want your food later, you give it away to someone who missed the handout." he told us stories and totally took care of us. anyone meeting us for the first time would mention what a great and trustworthy guy fred was.
the people i met that day were some the most generous people i've ever met. rebekah noticed an apple that came from a sack lunch handout and casually asked where she could get one. the man she was talking to insisted that she take his even though the bags were a few feet away. people gave us their umbrellas, blanket, coats, everything!
at the end of the day, we had to say goodbye. as i was giving hugs and saying goodbye, one guy pulled me aside and said, "what you all did here today means so much."
what i did today? i hadn't done anything. i sat and ate. all. day. long.
he said, "most people look at us like scum, if they look at us at all." to him, the fact that my friends and i sat with him, were willing to be seen with him, willing to eat with him, share with him, joke with him, even look him in the face, meant more than all the food or money he could have had access to that day.
earlier that morning as i fell in and out of sleep on the park bench, i watched the faces of people walking by. not one person looked me in the eyes. every person did look my direction. i knew they saw me. but instead of looking at me, they looked past me, above me, or at my tired body -- never at me.
later as i was telling my story to katie, i told her about my experience on the bench. she was really upset at the thought of people disregarding me in this way. it made her sad to think that people would treat (or not treat) me like that. if they only knew me, she said, they would never look past me.
her strong emotional response made me think. some of these people don't have families. some of them do. regardless, god sees each of them the same way katie sees me. i can just imagine him saying to me as i uncomfortably ignore a homeless guy on the street, if you only knew him the way i know him....you would never look past him.
i saw jesus in the face of each person i met that day. i saw him more clearly than i've ever seen him before. i saw him in every toothless smile, every worn out expression, every generous act born out of poverty. i will forever be changed.
Friday, November 7, 2008
becoming a friend of silence
two weekends ago, my team, and the rest of the tri-state teams, got together and drove to south new jersey for a solitude retreat. our time together was truly amazing. it was good timing for me because recently i've been reading a lot about solitude and silence. both are hard to come by in the city. working 6 days a week, living with 5 roommates, and chasing around screaming kids don't exactly cultivate an environment for silence and meditation.
this retreat, however, gave us the opportunity to take a step back and spend time doing both. i won't bore you with the details, but something profound, something simple, happened in my heart during our time away. it was just what i needed. we also ate a meal in silence. i felt like a modern day monk (which, believe it or not, is kind of a dream come true for me). even though we didn't communicate with one another in words, i felt deeply connected to my friends and teammates during our mealtime. together we were consciously giving up speaking, seeking to listen to the spirit's urging in our hearts. at the silent lunch it hit me how beautiful it is to be silent with others. i've never been so aware of every bite of food, so thankful for each mouthful, so glad to be sharing a meal with my friends.
it's all really hard to explain, but in many ways i feel obligated to try. i don't want these moments to go unshared, no matter how much is lost in translation.
tonight, we're heading up to philly to do 'pauper's rite of passage'. essentially, we're learning about homelessness and trying to, as much as possible in our limited time, to have solidarity with the homeless. we'll be sleeping on the floor tonight and, from what i understand, tomorrow will be spent fending for ourselves on the streets. i think some pan-handling may be involved. i would be lying if i said i was excited for this weekend. i'm not. i'm confident it will be a profound experience (seems to be the only kind of experience i'm having as of late). i'll let you know how it goes.
'god is the friend of silence. see how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence. we need silence to be able to touch souls.' the mother (teresa)
'in the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in an clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. our life is a long and arduous quest after truth.' gandhi
this retreat, however, gave us the opportunity to take a step back and spend time doing both. i won't bore you with the details, but something profound, something simple, happened in my heart during our time away. it was just what i needed. we also ate a meal in silence. i felt like a modern day monk (which, believe it or not, is kind of a dream come true for me). even though we didn't communicate with one another in words, i felt deeply connected to my friends and teammates during our mealtime. together we were consciously giving up speaking, seeking to listen to the spirit's urging in our hearts. at the silent lunch it hit me how beautiful it is to be silent with others. i've never been so aware of every bite of food, so thankful for each mouthful, so glad to be sharing a meal with my friends.
it's all really hard to explain, but in many ways i feel obligated to try. i don't want these moments to go unshared, no matter how much is lost in translation.
tonight, we're heading up to philly to do 'pauper's rite of passage'. essentially, we're learning about homelessness and trying to, as much as possible in our limited time, to have solidarity with the homeless. we'll be sleeping on the floor tonight and, from what i understand, tomorrow will be spent fending for ourselves on the streets. i think some pan-handling may be involved. i would be lying if i said i was excited for this weekend. i'm not. i'm confident it will be a profound experience (seems to be the only kind of experience i'm having as of late). i'll let you know how it goes.
'god is the friend of silence. see how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence. we need silence to be able to touch souls.' the mother (teresa)
'in the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in an clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. our life is a long and arduous quest after truth.' gandhi
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